Why Me, Lord??

Ivent's Vent

This past Wednesday, I went to the library to kill time b4 reaching my ultimate destination.

It was very crowded as I was looking for a 'puter to check out my and other blogs (i'm not 91% addicted 4 nothing). In the corner I noticed a vacant 'puter and acting nonchalantly (so noone would take my prize), I "skalk"-ed (skip-walk) to the "i-can't-believe-this-is-available" 'puter.
Unlike the others, that had 8 pc's per set of tables, this one had only 2. I quickly take in my surroundings as I take my coat off and get comfortable-noting my neighbor-who looked to be of African (not A.A.) descent. No prob.

I'm blogging and peepin' other blogs (shae & hottsauce r crazy!), and I notice my brotha stealing quick glances at me. Here we go. Since I didn't humor him and lock eyes with him in a "Harlequin Romance novel" moment, he decides to speak:
"You have beautiful cheekbones." His african accent is beautiful.
Taken aback I chuckled and responded, "as you do also,"
and promptly returned to my keyboard (i am 91% addicted afterall.)

Well brotha-man wanted some attention ( i guess) and pursued more conversation by saying, "maybe we're related...since we have the same cheekbones." (obviously different cultures have diff senses of humor)
Humoring him, I dryly chuckled and said "doubtable" and AGAIN returned to the keyboard.
"Are you working?" he asked.
(sigh) "No."
I might as well forget the keyboard for now.
"Are u taking a test or something?"I asked.
"No why do u ask?"
"Bcuz I heard u reading the words on the screen and then repeat them to yourself...as if you're attempting to memorize them."
"haha, no, I'm writing a speech,"
Now-he had my attention.
"oh yeah, who r u speaking before? What is the topic?"
Interest totally piqued.
Still smiling he said,"it's for a funeral."
Did he just say funeral? Perplexed, i frown. Silence. And then...
"My father's." Yep,he said funeral. sigh
Open mouth and insert foot, Bria.
Uncomfortable silence. Very uncomfortable silence.
"R u serious?" wishing my twin, One Man would come and arrest me-NOW.
"Yes I am"
"Oh gawd, I'm sorry...I shouldn't have asked"... blah blah blah
***
Well, that proved to be the jump off into mature conversation. He's supervisor over banks, i work for a major telcom co. He's from Nigeria and he couldn't believe I pronounced his name correctly, and in further convo-remembered still the pronunciation of his name.

Seemed too good, knew it wouldn't last.

"So Bria, where's your husband?" oh gawd.
"I don't have one."
My goodness-he sincerely looked...shocked? or was it appalled?
"What do u mean u don't have a husband? Ur beautiful!" breathe. he was shocked.
"Ob****, that means nothing. what does beauty have to do with quality relationships?"
"Oh no, I'm not saying- I'm just saying I can't believe your not married."
I've thought the same thing on many occasions.
"Well, it's true."
"Where's your bf?"
"No bf."
"I don't believe you!"
Ha! Me either.
"It's true, O."
"How long have you been single?" Dang! Is this an interview?!
"Longer than I care to think about" I admitted.
"I just don't understand why you're single."
This provided the opening for my
'committed-to-memory-just-add-water-instant-explanation'
on why i'm single:

• Fear of commitment (If commit , scared I'll get cheated on)
  
• Drama
• Lack of trust
• Have not met men of quality.
• Tired of mixed messages.
• Don't want friends with "benefits"
• Can do without stalkers/abusers
• Would like to meet a Christian man
• Would like a committed relationship with man of integrity, who believes in quality of relationship, unconditional love etc
• Don't want to date...want a marriage minded man.
  
• until then, i'll remain single.

Well, O goes on to say he's 'not ready for a commitment.'
Who was talking about committing to you?!
He then segued the conversation into a possible friendship between him and I.
I told him 'doubt it, cuz men (in my experience)believe friendship includes sex.'
"O, do you have sex with your male friends?"I asked.
He indignantly responded, " NO, OF COURSE NOT!"
"So why do you sleep with your female friends?"
Bingo. He looked like the cat that swallowed the canary.
As he stumbled over words trying to find a justifiable response-I let him off the hook.
It's cool.
"That's why I'm not cool w/men."
We talked more and got on the subject of "hoes."
We volleyed our opinions between us on the topic for a few minutes.
Admittedly, the conversation was animated.
My time was drawing to a close, so I said
"U know O, you're alright. Here's my number and we'll see if we can be friends. We can hang out, do coffee ...blah blah."
"Ok Bria, I look forward to it, thank you."
"Now I'm not goin to call you, so when you call me we'll work out the details ok, O?"
"Bria, I WILL NEVER CALL U..."
Why doesn't that sound right??
heartbeat thumping loudly.
ears are ringing.
and I hear sirens, but there's no police cars or ambulances in the library!
what-the...
"O... are you married???"
"No."
But his facial expression told me not only was I in the right neighborhood, and on the right street, but I'm getting ready to pull into the right garage...

"O gawd, you're LIVING WITH SOMEONE!" I realized, loudly.

Johnny-tell Bria what she's won today on "Fool, You Hit It On The Nose!"

Shamefully he looked down in his lap...but I was JUST GETTING STARTED!
"You mean to tell me, you admitted to me you have sexual relationships with WOMEN, you have friends with "benefits," you find it "hard" to turn down sex, but are able to say "no" SOMETIMES, and yet YOU LIVE WITH A WOMAN?!
Do you know what would happen if she would've called me?!"
He sheepishly interjected,"she WOULD NEVA call you, Bria" his once beautiful accent, now repulsed me.

"Nig-(almost went there) man, I know you...you know what? Yeah, i'm sure you're not a novice at being dawgish- and YOU ASKED ME WHY I'M SINGLE-IT'S BCUZ OF MEN LIKE YOU!"

I wasn't extremely loud, but I whispered as loud as humanly possible while being super ghetto demonstrative!

"Give me my number back, and I wanted to be your friend!" I reached towards the paper I wrote the number on. I see it's a handbook-can't rip that.
So, I scratch the number out. As best as I could.
"Bria."
"WHAT?" thru gritted teeth.
"I'm an accountant. I have a thing for numbers. I know the number already."
What did that nig-(there I go again)Oh, no he didn't.

I looked him dead in the eye and said:
"And if you have a thing for getting your feelings hurt- call me. Call me, if you want to. Just like you're a professional with numbers, I'm a pro in reading you your rights up one side of you, and down the other. Try me if you want to."
I knew he was embarrassed. He was trying to save face by smiling as if we were having a regular ol' conversation.

I told him his girlfriend was stupid, and I know she knows he's a cheater.
I said 'now I understand why you took up for hoedom...CUZ UR ONE!"
I'm out-and if you call me, I promise you'll regret it-O!"
and I took my leave.
****
My question is,
"Why me Lord?"

I'm not trying to hear it was an assignment...being single is a struggle sometimes, shoot more than sometimes.
What is it going to take to meet a brotha who is qualified, certified, bonified, ride-or-die, stick-n-stay brotha, who's worthy of being with me and vice versa?
Why am I meetin' busters?
What is it with 40+ yr old men who lie, cheats, and just can't keep it real?
I don't get it.
I'm not bashing men-I'm just bashing him and his type.
smh


Singlehood is NOT for the faint of heart.
YES, this was a true story...unfortunately.

TYLER PERRY THANKS FANS; VENTS FRUSTRATION: Filmmaker happy to top box office, but says promo road wasn't easy.
credits: eurwebc.com (edited for space/emphasis by Ivent)

*In a letter to his fans, Tyler Perry has expressed gratitude for the nationwide support of his new movie, "Why Did I Get Married," which opened at No. 1 this weekend.
But the constant promotion of the film has had an affect on the filmmaker, particularly with reporters who insisted on asking Janet Jackson about "Nipplegate." (see post"Did You Ask Justin Timber... on you better recognize)

He writes about the experience in his letter below – unedited and in its entirety:

Hello, hello, hello!
Before I get into this I just want you to know that this one may be a little long. (smile)
These last two weeks I have been on a promotional tour for MARRIED. 9 states, 25 private screenings, several TV and radio appearances; all in about 12 days! And let me tell you--it has taken a toll.
- I have been told that since I'm not in a dress this movie wouldn't work.
- I have been called a racist (among other things) because there are no other races represented in this film (that's not something that I ever think about...I just want to tell a good story).
- I have been lied to, tricked, deceived.
There was one reporter, who I was told was coming from New York to do a favorable piece. She sat in my office and smiled and asked me all kinds of questions. When the article came out it was all out of context and all about how my movies are the worst thing that have ever happened to Black people and that I am doing nothing but modern day step-and-fetch it, and that I'm just trying to get rich. I was shocked and quite upset by the trickery. Not only by her but also the things that were said about this movie in print were so awful. Several Hollywood trades didn't even mention that MARRIED was a contender for number one. They thought that the number one would be George Clooney's movie or Mark Walbrurg's movie.

Now I had never ever read any of this stuff in the past, but for some reason I felt lead to read it this time. The venom and disdain for what I do was apparent. And speaking of venom, what they did to Janet was unacceptable. Janet, who was under no obligation at all to promote this movie, sat with me while I was doing a round of TV interviews. Half way through the three hours of sitting in the same spot she was attacked by a reporter on a Sacramento morning show who only wanted to talk about the Super Bowl incident.
Now, I made it perfectly clear before we went live on the air that I wasn't talking about the Super Bowl or Janet's family. We had less than 5 minuets so I wanted to keep it positive and focus on the movie. But he didn't want to keep it positive. I had to maintain my composure because we were live on the air. I didn't let her speak. I kept jumping in because it was just so unfair to her. I have not seen Justin Timberlake attacked like that. I wasn't going to let them do that to her. Believe me when I tell you--Janet worked so hard on this film. She deserved more respect from this man than that! We both did.
In the mist of all of this I was fighting trying to get more screens because every other movie that opens with a track record like mine have not had to deal with fighting for screens. Most of the movies of my counterparts open on at least 3,000 screens. MARRIED was given 2,000.
Needless to say I was exhausted and mentally drained. So, by this time it was last Thursday and I just had no more to give. So, when I started to write that email (about the movie and for you to please check your tickets and so on) all that I could think was, "Tyler don't let these people get you down. As a matter of fact, speak a word of encouragement to the people that have been there for you and let that be that!"
Every time I'm overwhelmed by negative I just have to remember how good God has been to me. And as I was thinking about all of this all I could hear was LIVE YOUR DREAM BOY! LIVE YOUR DREAM!!
I wrote to you about dreams because I was just in a place of realizing that I had done all that I could do and the movie was in God's hands, so I just wanted to encourage somebody. After I sent that email to you I was reading your responses on the message board and, well, you don't know what you did for me. Here I was thinking that I was encouraging you and then you turned around and encouraged me! That's why I thank God for you and your messages.
But little did I know how much more was to come...Jesus!!!
So, now cut to Friday. . .Dear GOD!!!
I decided to go to the movie and just relax. I was trying to buy tickets online so I tried the 7 o'clock show. It was sold out. I then tried the 8.
It was sold out. Then the 9. It, too, was sold out! So I thought, "I need to call the theater. Maybe they'll save me a seat since I know some of the folks that are in this movie." (smile)
After the movie started I was brought into the back of the theater, and no sooner than I sat down I realized why I was having such a battle. I then realized why there was such an attack. As I looked at the faces of the people in this theater laughing and crying I got it. I got it! I had a feeling that this movie was special, but I didn't know how special. I could literally see husbands and wives coming together. I could see people letting go of past hurts. And I could feel forgiveness in the air. I enjoyed watching your faces while you watched the movie. Between the tears in my eyes and the watching of your faces I didn't get see much of the movie.
And then I got home and went to the message board and you all confirmed in words all that I was feeling in that theater. So, with all of that said I want to say to you, thank you. Thank you for crowding into those theaters.
Thank for dealing with the headaches. Thank you for fighting your way across town. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for the number one movie in America.
You did that and believe me--all of the ones that I mentioned at the top of this email are shaking their heads wondering why their weapons didn't prosper.
Truly Grateful,
Tyler Perry
P.S. I guess Judah will have to find a loving family somewhere else....
:-)

*******

Where this man get the energy to write a descriptive, long email is beyond me. He has energy for days. Yes, he was right, a sacramento show called Good Day tried to bamboozle Janet. Tyler,ever the gentleman, kept jumping in and bringing focus back to the movie...not janet. I'm not surprised he's frustrated, but reality is...we know it's not goin to be easy, but look at how far you've come.

Our community, is proud that Tyler persevered. He's an inspiration to all races, not just black.