Why Me, Lord??

Ivent's Vent

This past Wednesday, I went to the library to kill time b4 reaching my ultimate destination.

It was very crowded as I was looking for a 'puter to check out my and other blogs (i'm not 91% addicted 4 nothing). In the corner I noticed a vacant 'puter and acting nonchalantly (so noone would take my prize), I "skalk"-ed (skip-walk) to the "i-can't-believe-this-is-available" 'puter.
Unlike the others, that had 8 pc's per set of tables, this one had only 2. I quickly take in my surroundings as I take my coat off and get comfortable-noting my neighbor-who looked to be of African (not A.A.) descent. No prob.

I'm blogging and peepin' other blogs (shae & hottsauce r crazy!), and I notice my brotha stealing quick glances at me. Here we go. Since I didn't humor him and lock eyes with him in a "Harlequin Romance novel" moment, he decides to speak:
"You have beautiful cheekbones." His african accent is beautiful.
Taken aback I chuckled and responded, "as you do also,"
and promptly returned to my keyboard (i am 91% addicted afterall.)

Well brotha-man wanted some attention ( i guess) and pursued more conversation by saying, "maybe we're related...since we have the same cheekbones." (obviously different cultures have diff senses of humor)
Humoring him, I dryly chuckled and said "doubtable" and AGAIN returned to the keyboard.
"Are you working?" he asked.
(sigh) "No."
I might as well forget the keyboard for now.
"Are u taking a test or something?"I asked.
"No why do u ask?"
"Bcuz I heard u reading the words on the screen and then repeat them to yourself...as if you're attempting to memorize them."
"haha, no, I'm writing a speech,"
Now-he had my attention.
"oh yeah, who r u speaking before? What is the topic?"
Interest totally piqued.
Still smiling he said,"it's for a funeral."
Did he just say funeral? Perplexed, i frown. Silence. And then...
"My father's." Yep,he said funeral. sigh
Open mouth and insert foot, Bria.
Uncomfortable silence. Very uncomfortable silence.
"R u serious?" wishing my twin, One Man would come and arrest me-NOW.
"Yes I am"
"Oh gawd, I'm sorry...I shouldn't have asked"... blah blah blah
***
Well, that proved to be the jump off into mature conversation. He's supervisor over banks, i work for a major telcom co. He's from Nigeria and he couldn't believe I pronounced his name correctly, and in further convo-remembered still the pronunciation of his name.

Seemed too good, knew it wouldn't last.

"So Bria, where's your husband?" oh gawd.
"I don't have one."
My goodness-he sincerely looked...shocked? or was it appalled?
"What do u mean u don't have a husband? Ur beautiful!" breathe. he was shocked.
"Ob****, that means nothing. what does beauty have to do with quality relationships?"
"Oh no, I'm not saying- I'm just saying I can't believe your not married."
I've thought the same thing on many occasions.
"Well, it's true."
"Where's your bf?"
"No bf."
"I don't believe you!"
Ha! Me either.
"It's true, O."
"How long have you been single?" Dang! Is this an interview?!
"Longer than I care to think about" I admitted.
"I just don't understand why you're single."
This provided the opening for my
'committed-to-memory-just-add-water-instant-explanation'
on why i'm single:

• Fear of commitment (If commit , scared I'll get cheated on)
  
• Drama
• Lack of trust
• Have not met men of quality.
• Tired of mixed messages.
• Don't want friends with "benefits"
• Can do without stalkers/abusers
• Would like to meet a Christian man
• Would like a committed relationship with man of integrity, who believes in quality of relationship, unconditional love etc
• Don't want to date...want a marriage minded man.
  
• until then, i'll remain single.

Well, O goes on to say he's 'not ready for a commitment.'
Who was talking about committing to you?!
He then segued the conversation into a possible friendship between him and I.
I told him 'doubt it, cuz men (in my experience)believe friendship includes sex.'
"O, do you have sex with your male friends?"I asked.
He indignantly responded, " NO, OF COURSE NOT!"
"So why do you sleep with your female friends?"
Bingo. He looked like the cat that swallowed the canary.
As he stumbled over words trying to find a justifiable response-I let him off the hook.
It's cool.
"That's why I'm not cool w/men."
We talked more and got on the subject of "hoes."
We volleyed our opinions between us on the topic for a few minutes.
Admittedly, the conversation was animated.
My time was drawing to a close, so I said
"U know O, you're alright. Here's my number and we'll see if we can be friends. We can hang out, do coffee ...blah blah."
"Ok Bria, I look forward to it, thank you."
"Now I'm not goin to call you, so when you call me we'll work out the details ok, O?"
"Bria, I WILL NEVER CALL U..."
Why doesn't that sound right??
heartbeat thumping loudly.
ears are ringing.
and I hear sirens, but there's no police cars or ambulances in the library!
what-the...
"O... are you married???"
"No."
But his facial expression told me not only was I in the right neighborhood, and on the right street, but I'm getting ready to pull into the right garage...

"O gawd, you're LIVING WITH SOMEONE!" I realized, loudly.

Johnny-tell Bria what she's won today on "Fool, You Hit It On The Nose!"

Shamefully he looked down in his lap...but I was JUST GETTING STARTED!
"You mean to tell me, you admitted to me you have sexual relationships with WOMEN, you have friends with "benefits," you find it "hard" to turn down sex, but are able to say "no" SOMETIMES, and yet YOU LIVE WITH A WOMAN?!
Do you know what would happen if she would've called me?!"
He sheepishly interjected,"she WOULD NEVA call you, Bria" his once beautiful accent, now repulsed me.

"Nig-(almost went there) man, I know you...you know what? Yeah, i'm sure you're not a novice at being dawgish- and YOU ASKED ME WHY I'M SINGLE-IT'S BCUZ OF MEN LIKE YOU!"

I wasn't extremely loud, but I whispered as loud as humanly possible while being super ghetto demonstrative!

"Give me my number back, and I wanted to be your friend!" I reached towards the paper I wrote the number on. I see it's a handbook-can't rip that.
So, I scratch the number out. As best as I could.
"Bria."
"WHAT?" thru gritted teeth.
"I'm an accountant. I have a thing for numbers. I know the number already."
What did that nig-(there I go again)Oh, no he didn't.

I looked him dead in the eye and said:
"And if you have a thing for getting your feelings hurt- call me. Call me, if you want to. Just like you're a professional with numbers, I'm a pro in reading you your rights up one side of you, and down the other. Try me if you want to."
I knew he was embarrassed. He was trying to save face by smiling as if we were having a regular ol' conversation.

I told him his girlfriend was stupid, and I know she knows he's a cheater.
I said 'now I understand why you took up for hoedom...CUZ UR ONE!"
I'm out-and if you call me, I promise you'll regret it-O!"
and I took my leave.
****
My question is,
"Why me Lord?"

I'm not trying to hear it was an assignment...being single is a struggle sometimes, shoot more than sometimes.
What is it going to take to meet a brotha who is qualified, certified, bonified, ride-or-die, stick-n-stay brotha, who's worthy of being with me and vice versa?
Why am I meetin' busters?
What is it with 40+ yr old men who lie, cheats, and just can't keep it real?
I don't get it.
I'm not bashing men-I'm just bashing him and his type.
smh


Singlehood is NOT for the faint of heart.
YES, this was a true story...unfortunately.